How To Communicate Your Anal Sex Urges To a Girlfriend, Wife

You desire anal sex fun. It’s why you’re reading a blog post on an anal sex dating site. Finding anal sex on a hookup site is a lot easier than in general, daily life.

But you know that.

So let’s have a “deeper” discussion and iron out this issue.

Why Is Anal Sex Easier With Strangers, Hook Up Sites?

anal sexFirst things first, at the root of the issue for many men is the disparity in struggles for getting anal sex with a partner on a hookup site vs. real life.

Finding a consensual anal sex partner on a hookup site, or even with an anonymous, one-night-stand, is easier than with the girl you’ve been dating for months. Or, your wife.

Its a counter-intuitive issue. We’d think that the girl we know the best would be the easier anal sex candidate. But instead, we learn its the opposite effect.

This effect has little to do with anal sex and more to do with overall sex. We communicated looser with girls we don’t know and aren’t supposed to have romantic ties with. So beyond anal sex, couples who don’t know each other very well but are attracted to one another tend to be more experimental in sexual communications.

In other words, you are more likely to speak to what you need with a girl you don’t know super well. If the girl is a steady relationship, you are more introverted and conceal your authentic sexual needs and desires.

The hookup site has the extra layer of a precise experience. The girl you are communicating with signed up to a site that’s built on matching horny singles. So yeah, it is what it is.

Although you realize that using an adult dating site solves a lot of your issue, it may not solve them all. You may still desire anal sex with a long-term girlfriend or wife.

So what’s the move?

Open General Sex Communications

If you and your girl don’t talk sex much, going in with anal sex topics may be a bit too aggressive.

You need to slowly open the bottle so that it doesn’t explode all over both of you. Let it release slowly. Yeah, that was an intentional sexy metaphor.

Begin by talking about sex in general. Most of the time, couples who don’t talk about sex are just in a cycle of not talking about these things. There needs to be a break in the cycle.

Once you talk about any sex at all, you open things up. You allow one another to view the other as a sexual object.

You need to remove your guards. You want to open sexual communications. Don’t force the anal sex part immediately. That’s for later.

Refine Your Pitch: She May Desire Anal Sex

Lot’s of women enjoy anal sex. She may be one of them. In fact, according to a Women’s Health Magazine article from 2020, many women consider it more intimate.

Therefore, I ask you not to pitch the possibility of anal sex as something she will “need to adjust to” or “won’t like at first.”

Don’t undersell the experience.

When you communicate your anal sex desires, keep in mind that anal sex benefits are real. That many women enjoy anal sex. The pitch is for both of your enjoyment.

If your pitch downplays the experience for her, then your pitch is garbage. You’re selling her on an experience that’s for her, not just for you. Would you sell gross cookies to someone by saying “I need money, so here’s some cookies you won’t like.” You would not (or at least I hope you would not).

Don’t treat her as if she’s not exotic sexually or else, she may not be (with you).

Be Clean

Cleanliness is a big deal when it comes to anal sex. There are two considerations for her:

  1. You’re cleanliness
  2. Her cleanliness

You need her to feel comfortable with both. If you are both in bed having a good time under the sheets and you bring up anal sex, you might want to take things slow and acknowledge how important cleanliness is to you. You do this by suggesting that you take a shower. This has the default effect of letting her decide if she’d like to do the same. You don’t want to tell her to shower, but allow her the opportunity. Because if she doesn’t feel clean down there, she may flat out deny you. But that’s not because she doesn’t want it, but because she doesn’t want to make a spectacle out of getting clean.

Create a Relaxed Environment, Set Expectations

Nothing is perfect, particularly on the first go-round.

And that’s never more true than with anal sex. The problem is that often a bumbled first attempt can lead to never trying again.

So what gives?

First, create a relaxed environment. Nothing acts more like kryptonite to anal sex inhibitions than stress. This is both mentally and physically true.

One way to create a relaxed environment that doubles as an insurance policy against never trying again is to set expectations.

When you set expectations, you don’t pitch an anal sex experience as “bad,” per se, rather, an experience that may take some adjusting. So long as the expectation is set, any bumbling that occurs is likely overlooked. Because, yeah, like with all things in life, when we expect events, we don’t overreact to the events.


There is no better way to get anal sex than by using an adult hookup site. That said, if your aim is to have anal sex with a long term girlfriend or wife, you’ll need to open up lines of sexual communication. You need to create an environment that’s bounded by realistic expectations and relaxation.

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